#0001F

Source
 ----------------------------- 
|           D A T A           |
 ----------------------------- 
439227
iggysurf
ATTACHED_MALE_SEEKING_FEMALE (2) In relationship, seeking female

Age/Gender: 55M
WANTED: Alien Women Only
170lbs
Height: 6'0"

I’ll start by apologizing to anyone who was actually intrigued by the title to this ad. It was merely a ploy to get you to open this post and, perhaps, actually read it. This is nothing more than the stereotypic Ashley Madison married-cheater-looking-for-an-affair ad. There’s a few gazillion of these posted every day, so the chances of one of these ads actually being read are like, slim to none. So, a man has to do SOMETHING to stand out from the crowd. Anyway, I’m not actually looking for an alien, on the other hand if you really are an alien I might also be interested. 

What I’m really looking for is an long term affair. Friends with benefits, a regular f--- buddy, someone to be my new-best-favorite-number-one-concubine. Whatever you want to call it. I hate labels - they can be so confining. The point is, I’ve decided this is the thing to do at this point in my life. This is part escape, part fantasy, and part of an effort to keep me sane. Few of the driving reasons for this would stand up in court or under close scrutiny, but it's what I have to work with. Suffice it to say, I have all the requisite justifications worked out in my little mind, and I am at peace with the whole thing. In other words, I’m doing this because I want to. If you choose to reply, I can only assume that you want what I want.

You’ll want to know a bit about me. If I was running from the FBI, the description of me hanging on the post office wall would say I’m about 6’, and 170 lbs. I have full head of black/gray hair and brown eyes. I am of above average intelligence (my opinon), witty, charming, entertaining, and all-in-all I’m pretty good in the sack, too, in spite of the fact that I’m a middle age white guy who doesn’t play basketball. If you catch my drift. 

I’m pretty open as to who I’m looking for. I’m more clear on what I don’t want. I don’t smoke, and neither should you. I don’t mean that as a judgment call, I just think it would be problematic if I suddenly start going home smelling of cigarette smoke. That’s not a deal breaker, but you’ll have to make up for it in other ways. And no... swallowing isn’t enough. A amazingly awsome personality would be a start. 

I tend to go for nerdy geeky type girls, so glasses are actually a plus. I’m open as to age, but please, no one younger than 21 ;). If you like NASCAR and drinking a six pack while watching the football game, we probably have nothing in common. Really.I prefer to discuss religion or politics over a good Cabernet. Oh, and speaking of drinking, I’ve known my share of heavy drinkers. If you’re the neighborhood party poodle, like your hard liquor and getting your barf on, drive through please. There’s nothing here for you.

Ok, I've just about run out of inspiring things to say to entice you into writing. If you’re bright, witty, attractive, have a well developed sense of humor, and just happen to be scouring CL looking for an affair, send me a note. At best, this could turn out to be a whole lot of fun. At worst, you’ll have wasted a few minutes and horribly inconvenienced an extraordinarily large number of electrons. What have you got to lose?

 ----------------------------- 
|        C H A T L O G        |
 ----------------------------- 
Welcome to your therapy session.
Your therapist's name is Robonk.

Robonk:	Hello, I am a computer program. 
you:	I tend to go for nerdy geeky type girls, so glasses are actually a plus.
Robonk:	I'm not sure I understand you fully.
you:	I’m open as to age, but please, no one younger than 21.
Robonk:	Why do you say you tend to go for nerdy geeky type girls?
you:	If you like NASCAR and drinking a six pack while watching the football game, we probably have nothing in common.
Robonk:	What does this speculation lead to?
you:	Really, I prefer to discuss religion or politics over a good Cabernet.
Robonk:	Can you elaborate on that?
you:	Oh, and speaking of drinking, I’ve known my share of heavy drinkers. 
Robonk:	Your share of heavy drinkers?
you:	If you’re the neighborhood party poodle, like your hard liquor and getting your barf on, drive through please.
Robonk:	What do you know about me’re the neighborhood party poodle?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.